Goodnight, Sinners (Sinner's Empire Book 3) Page 17

  Without realizing, her breaths became shallow as her thoughts battered her. Sweat beaded her forehead. She shrugged a shoulder, soaking the sweat with her sleeve.

  She finished the sutures and taped gauze over the wound. She took her bloody gloves off and set them aside. She tried to stand, but her legs wobbled badly.

  Jozef caught her under the arms and pulled her away from the pallet.

  Shaun knew all eyes in the room were now on her, but she couldn’t stop the panic attack. It hit her like a cement truck, sucking the air from her lungs. She tried to take in a deep breath, but it strangled in her throat, choking her.

  Her fingers flexed and curled, as if they had minds of their own, her nails cutting into her palms. Her legs refused to work, refused to carry her from the room. Her cheeks burned as she felt her dignity slipping.

  Why did it have to happen here? In front of all these people?

  Jozef lifted her and carried her from the room. In the corridor, he sat her down on a bench and crouched in front of her. She thought she might see accusation in his eyes. She had shown weakness in front of almost half a dozen men. Even though she was new to the mafia, she knew enough to realize one didn’t show weakness. It was like leaving blood in the water for the sharks to find.

  She should have known better, though. The only thing Jozef’s expression said to her was how concerned he was. It helped her calm down a little. He stared at her, his eyes eloquent while he ran his hands up and down her arms, then her thighs.

  He didn’t tell her to breathe. He didn’t have to. He showed her what he wanted to do by taking in steady breaths, then letting them out. In and out, in and out. With each breath, more oxygen flooded her brain and body, making her feel steadier.

  When she finally caught her breath, the tears started. “I’m complicit,” she told Jozef. “I’m complicit in whatever you do to him, and I’m complicit by living here. I’m complicit by not turning you into the police.” She placed her hand over her chest, over her heart. “I am complicit in harming others, and I swore an oath to do the opposite.”

  Jozef’s gaze became sad, but she could still read his determination. He had no intention of changing.

  “I can’t do this, Jozef,” she sobbed. “I tried, because I love you more than I’ve loved anyone ever. But I can’t do this. It’s the opposite of everything I stand for, of who I am.”

  She didn’t know what she was trying to tell him. She couldn’t bring herself to tell him she was leaving, or to demand he let her go. He solved her problem in his typical Jozef way.

  First, he touched her face, holding her wet cheeks between his palms before leaning forward and gently kissing her, licking the salty tears from her lips. Then he stood, towering over her.

  Shaun looked up at him.

  You are not complicit. When she shook her head, he tapped her cheek with his finger. It didn’t hurt, but the tap was sharp enough to keep her from arguing with him. You’re not complicit because you are my captive. You might love me, you might wish to stay with me, but you are still my captive. I will never let you go. Even if you come to hate me. Even if you run away from me. I will always find you and I will always bring you back.

  She blinked away her tears, the last of the tightness in her chest dissipating. Despite his brutal words, she treasured them. They allowed her peace of mind when she couldn’t seem to find it on her own.

  You belong to me, he continued. Nothing you can do will induce me to allow you to leave. I know you believe you can convince me to let you go if you really want to go, but it’s time to let that fantasy go. You will never leave. Not now, not ever.

  Shaun nodded, then stood, her hand on the wall for support.

  Jozef slipped an arm around her, steadying her. She tipped her head back and stared at him, registering the determination, the truth of what he said in his eyes. He meant every word.

  “Okay,” she whispered, then stepped back. She turned away from him and left the shed, taking peace in the sunshine flooding the rose garden and lighting the stone path.

  Cooper came up alongside her and together they walked silently back to the house.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Shaun didn’t know what to do with herself once she got up to the house. She felt restless and uncomfortable in her own skin. She hated knowing what was probably happening down at the shed. It helped to know that Jozef was going to do what he wanted to do, regardless of what she wanted.

  She searched for their cook, Sona, in the kitchen to go over the week’s menu, but found a note saying the other woman had gone grocery shopping.

  She tried knocking on Saskia’s door, but the younger woman yelled for her to go away. Shaun understood why Saskia was angry, but she hoped the other woman wouldn’t hold a grudge. She was one of Shaun’s few friends in Prague. Plus, Shaun suspected Saskia’s grudges could become painful, depending on how she directed her energy.

  “Are we done pacing the mansion?” Cooper asked drily, trailing Shaun from room to room.

  She narrowed her eyes at him. “Just for that, I should make you do laps around the grounds.”

  He flashed her a grin. “You’ll be coming too.”

  Shaun decided to spend some time alone with her cat. He spent most of his time in their suite, though he was allowed the run of the mansion. He hadn’t quite gotten brave enough to go exploring yet. Shaun was okay with his timidity. She didn’t trust the house guards not to let him outside, and she would be devastated if he disappeared or got hit by a car.

  “Fitzy.” She bent down to scoop up the cat who met her at the door.

  He vocally let her know how much he didn’t appreciate spending all day alone, then shoved a paw in her throat, insisting she put him down. She laughed and set him back on his feet, where he proceeded to follow her into the bedroom, treating her to a meowing diatribe.

  She lay down on the bed and patted the covers, encouraging him to jump up. After a few seconds' hesitation, he jumped and made his way over to her, rolling onto his back so she could pet his chubby belly.

  “How is life, little man?”

  He purred in contentment, kneading the air with his paws.

  “Not too bad in this giant mausoleum, is it?” Shaun glanced around her bedroom.

  It was growing on her. She still hated knowing it had once belonged to Jozef’s aunt and uncle, but their ghosts were fading. She pulled her phone from her pocket and tried calling her mother, but there was no answer. She wondered what Fatima was up to and decided to try again later.

  She sighed and rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. These were the moments she hated, had always hated. She didn’t enjoy being alone with her thoughts. She’d never really been a Zen kind of person. She liked to move, to work, to keep busy.

  After a few minutes she stood and went back into the sitting room, pulling her binder from its cubbyhole under the coffee table. Fitzy jumped up on the couch beside her, making himself comfortable against her thigh. She curled her legs beneath her and allowed her work to consume her. She read through the step-by-step procedure for her upcoming surgery and referenced the works of several other professionals to make sure she was on the right track. The surgery itself wasn’t groundbreaking, but it was complex. The type of surgery other surgeons would refuse to do because the odds of fatality were too high. Shaun enjoyed the challenge. She tried not to let worry over fatality rates stop her from taking on difficult operations.

  She wasn’t sure how long she poured over the documents but when she looked up the shadows in the room had lengthened and Jozef was sitting in the armchair across from her, his leg crossed over the other at the knee, his elbow on the armrest and his chin in his hand. Fitzy was curled on top of his foot, snoozing on the floor.

  Jozef looked serious, but relaxed.

  When she first caught sight of him, she yelped, dropped her binder and grabbed her throat.

  He chuckled.

  “Don’t do that!” she said accusingly.

  Don’t
do what? he asked.

  She narrowed her eyes at him. Don’t scare the life out of me. Make yourself known next time you want to hang out.

  He shook his head. I enjoy watching you.

  She glared at him, but her lips twitched in amusement. You’ve done this before?

  Many times, he admitted.

  She believed him. He was like a cat, entering a room noiselessly, then watching his prey until he was ready for them to see him. But once his presence was known, he filled a room with his energy. It was a strange phenomenon. He was larger than life. A man who didn’t need to use his voice to make his presence count.

  I should put a bell on you.

  His shoulders shook with laughter, my men wouldn’t know what to do if I walked around with a bell all day.

  They smiled at each other until the seriousness of what had occurred inside the shed infiltrated their moment.

  Shaun licked her lips and hesitated over what she wanted to ask him. She loved these moments, when they were together, alone and intimate, the two of them in a bubble. She didn’t want to ruin the moment, but she needed to know.

  What did you do with A-D-A-M?

  His response was quick, telling her he knew she would ask.

  He’s fine.

  When she opened her mouth to ask him to define ‘fine’, he held a hand up.

  I didn’t touch him. I interrogated him, but the man knows nothing. He doesn’t know where my aunt or cousin are. When he realized the family was under attack, he gathered as much food as he could carry and closeted himself in the cottage’s panic room. He hadn’t left since until you scared him out.

  How do you know he’s telling the truth? Shaun was curious about the interrogation. How did Jozef extract information when he needed it?

  Jozef snickered, flashing a boyish smile. I know.

  She frowned. You said you didn’t torture him.

  I didn’t. Apparently seeing the direction of her thoughts, he frowned severely. My men didn’t touch him either. You will not disbelieve me when I tell you something.

  Shaun laughed out loud, despite her concern for Leeza’s husband. “You can’t stop me from having thoughts, Jozef.”

  He placed both of his hands on the armchair and pushed himself up, uncoiling from his deceptively relaxed position. Fitzy grumbled, stretched, and sauntered away. After the explosions in their apartment, Fitzy had grown more attached to Jozef. Shaun wasn’t sure why, but she was happy to see her future husband and cat getting along.

  As Jozef stepped toward her, he signed, his movements slow, so she wouldn’t miss a single one. You won’t doubt me because I won’t allow it.

  He dropped to his knees in front of her.

  “Dictator,” she whispered, but her smile took the sting from the word.

  He leaned forward and kissed her, taking her lips in a bone melting kiss. He lingered but didn’t push for more. This was one thing she adored about him. He never stopped kissing her.

  In her other relationships, once sex was on the table, kissing and making out fell to the wayside. For Jozef, the kisses were essential. He took them at every opportunity, no matter where they were or who was looking. For him, the kissing didn’t lead to sex. It was an intimacy between them he kept alive.

  When he leaned back, she signed, so how did you get him to confess?

  He flashed her a grin and held up his hand. There was a poorly taped bandage on his palm.

  “What happened?” she demanded, grabbing his hand and pulling it into her lap.

  She peeled back the bandage and found a cut about an inch long. It was deep enough that it had bled, but it wasn’t bad enough that it needed suturing. She looked up at him, bewildered.

  He tugged his hand away, re-taping the bandage.

  A-D-A-M is sickened by the sight of blood. He damn near fainted when I cut myself. That was all it took to get him to tell us everything he knows, which unfortunately isn’t much.

  “Hemophobia,” Shaun murmured, then shook her head in disapproval. “It’s not nice to use a person’s fears against them.”

  Jozef shrugged. Better than torture.

  He was right. If she was going to pass judgment on Jozef’s actions, she had to admit, she would be a lot more upset if he’d resorted to torture.

  “He wasn’t freaking out about his own blood when I tended to him,” Shaun mused as she thought about the man’s reaction to being shot. She’d been so concentrated on tending him that she hadn’t really paid attention. “Actually… come to think of it, I don’t think he looked down at all. He either kept his eyes shut or averted. He was shaking and looked like he was going to throw up, but I attributed his symptoms to being shot. I bet he was reacting to the blood too.”

  Jozef shrugged, uncaring of how Adam’s fear manifested.

  “Did you hold back because of me? Is that why you didn’t hurt him?” she asked, unsure she wanted to know the answer. Adam wasn’t going to be the last time they ran into this issue. Eventually, Jozef would have to do something to someone that Shaun hated. She wasn’t sure how she would deal with it, if she would try to justify his actions or if she would decide she couldn’t stomach being with him.

  If she was being honest with herself, she would admit that it wouldn’t be the latter. It would never be the latter. She was with Jozef now.

  Yes, it was for you that A-D-A-M wasn’t beaten. I didn’t want you to think of me that way. I was the guard dog for this family for many years, but you have shown me I can be more.

  Jozef’s admission hung in the air between them.

  Shaun touched his face and smiled sadly. “You were always more than the guard dog. You just needed to see yourself differently.”

  They stared at each other, wrapped in the moment. She loved everything about him, even the brutal parts. It was strange… loving a man in a wholly encompassing way, yet still hating some things he did.

  She was learning just how messy love could be.

  Jozef stood and signed, come with me, I want to show you something.

  He held a hand out to her and Shaun took it, allowing him to pull her off the sofa.

  “Where are we going?” she asked as he grabbed her coat from the closet by the door and tossed it to her.

  The gun range, he signed.

  She gaped at him. “I hope you don’t think you’re going to get me to shoot a gun.”

  You will shoot a gun, he signed, you already have. This will be much easier than the last time.

  “The last time I was trying to save you from being shot in the back!” Her voice grew in volume as he grabbed her hand, pulling her out of their apartment.

  Cooper, who was leaning against the wall opposite looking at his phone, straightened.

  “I don’t intend to ever hold a gun again, Jozef. That was a one-time deal. I hate the sight of them.” He nodded at Cooper, who fell into step behind them, following them down the hall.

  Jozef didn’t answer her, though he was holding her hand in a firm grip so he couldn’t communicate.

  “Jozef, no!” Shaun dug her feet into the steps as they continued down to the main floor of the mansion.

  He kept walking, which caused Shaun to catapult forward, hitting him in the back. He didn’t loosen his grip and he didn’t stop walking.

  Cooper came up alongside her. “You need to know how to protect yourself. It’s Jozef’s responsibility to make sure you’re safe, and the first step in that process is to teach you how to defend yourself.”

  Jozef finally stopped walking, but when he turned, his glare was for Cooper instead of Shaun. In one eloquent look, he told the other man without words that he didn’t need Cooper speaking for him.

  Cooper held up his hands in his typical, ‘sorry boss’ pose. It was almost funny, the dynamic growing between the two. Cooper was a good man with a lot of annoying qualities that seemed to be growing on both Jozef and Shaun.

  A chill ran through Shaun as she remembered what had happened to her last bodyguard. He’d been shot in
the head while trying to protect her. Maybe she shouldn’t develop a friendship with Cooper.

  She looked over at him as they continued out the front door where Jozef helped her into the front seat of his Bugatti. Cooper strode to the SUV behind them and climbed inside. She didn’t think it would be possible to not be friends with the man. He was always with her, he was talkative and opinionated and he made of point of being a sympathetic ear.

  Shaun glanced at Jozef as he navigated the driveway.

  “I don’t want Cooper to die.”

  He hit the brakes so hard Shaun had to brace herself against the dashboard.

  Jozef put the car in park and turned to her.

  You are not allowed to care about that man, he signed furiously. I will assign someone new to your personal detail.

  You don’t understand, she automatically signed back. It’s not him personally… well, it is a little. But I would grow attached to any bodyguard you assigned to me.

  When Jozef looked angrier, she rushed to assure him.

  I’m not going to become romantically attached to the man. He’s not even close to my type. But I do like him, the same as I liked K-A-R-L. I don’t know if I can handle losing another bodyguard.

  Who exactly is your type? Jozef demanded, the thunderous frown still wrinkling his brows.

  Shaun shook her head at him. He really wasn’t getting past the part where she was discussing another man to see the root of her issue. She cupped his cheek, then gave him a light slap, intended to get him to pay closer attention to what she was saying.

  You are my type, idiot, she told him. I like tall, sexy, protective, sweet and growly. All you, only you. Okay?

  He grinned at her. Okay.

  Then she added, now focus. I think you should stop giving me bodyguards. I can’t take it when something happens to them.

  Jozef shook his head. You will always have bodyguards. This isn’t negotiable. If you don’t want them to get close to you, then I will make sure they protect you without talking to you, except for what they absolutely need to.

  I don’t like that solution. If someone has to follow me around, then I would rather become friends with them then pretend they’re invisible. It feels elitist to treat them like a paid employee.